Off the back of teenage sensation Lorde’s thank you note to hometown fans in the New Zealand Herald after taking home a Grammy we decided to have a go at dreaming up what some other artists would have to say if they were to do the same thing…
First up is none other than Yeezus himself as imagined by our homeboy Wax Volcanic.
TV Colours - Purple Skies, Toxic River, Portugal. The Man - Evil Friends, Nails - Abandon All Life, Danny Brown - Old
Danny Brown - Old, Lapalux – Nostalchic, Golden Blonde - Gwen, Jai Paul - #unmasteredpiece aka ‘leaked album’
Jonathan Wilson - Fanfare, Disclosure - Settle, Arctic Monkeys - A.M, These New Puritans - Field Of Reeds
James Blake - Retrograde, Anna von Hausswolff - Ceremony, Rhye - Woman, King Krule - 6 Feet Beneath The Moon
Portugal. The Man - Evil Friends, Chance The Rapper - Acid Rap, 7 Days Of Funk - S/T, Autre Ne Veut - Anxiety
King Krule - 6 Feet Beneath The Moon, Kanye West - Yeezus, Gesaffelstein - Aleph, Lorde - Pure Heroine
Haim - Days Are Gone, London Grammar - If You Want, Cloud Control - Dream Cave, Chvrches - The Bones of What You Believe
Jon Hopkins - Immunity, The Trouble With Templeton - Rookie, Om Unit - Threads, Bring Me The Horizon - Sempiternal
What: ‘Face the Music’. Music industry conference.
Where: Lvl. 8, ANZ Pavillion, Fairfax Studio and Members Lounge Dining Room—Arts Centre, Melbourne. Clemenger BDDO Auditorium, National Gallery of Victoria.
Fig 1. A Breakdown of Sampled Panellist Responses From the ‘Music Listening Panel’:
Some of the Ways in Which Jamie Farkas, General Manager of VICE Music, was Everything I wasn’t Expecting:
- Unlike the unfettered megalomania of the VICE showreels, Jamie Farkas was poignantly and unexpectedly real. Her nerves and conviction made VICE a whole bunch easier to swallow. The vulnerability she shared with the audience about crying after running an unattended in-store show in DC actually made it possible to keep my breakfast down as she enthused over VICE’s lasagne-style branding strategy.
VICE’s Lasagne-Style Branding Strategy:
One of the Most Philosophically Satisfying Moments of the ‘Hits and Misses’ Seminar:
- Knowingly missing a lecture on viral media and scuffing through the National Gallery in search of a toilet. (They were all closed)
- * I say one of, because this was seminar was actually super interesting. I mean it.
Actual Question Asked By Yours Truly:
- “There seems to be an ever-increasing swarm of these sort of self-branding viral campaigns on music news websites. You guys, to a degree, are obligated to write on trend, but is this frustrating? Is reporting on these types of things (Lorde/Kanye’s latest tweet) getting in the way of more thoughtful conversations on music?”
What Followed the Above Facetious Question:
- Fucking Silence.
- Then a sort of ‘click-bait-is-necessary-and-we-like-both-things’ type of argument, which I really wish, as journalists, they didn’t say. Apologies if that’s overly idealistic (it is).
- Then Darren Levin from Fasterlouder broke down how many Kanye and Gotye stories they did a month. It was an awful lot.
Some Things in the ‘Realities of Reality Talent Shows’ That Seemed at Odds with Reality:
- That I should recognise anyone on the panel except for the ‘crazy pianist’ from The Great Gatsby
- That psych testing all contestants on the ‘X Factor’ ensures no longer-term psychological affects of the competition
- That its okay to do a kids version (years 8-14) of The Voice because its “more about the fun of it than competing”
- That selling out ‘Palms’ at Crown Casino is a legitimate barometer of success.
- That Andrew Furze from Hoodwinked Productions would refer to X Factor no-hopers as “goons and deludes”. Oh no, actually, that happened.
- That the best contestants are found through trawling Youtube.
Predictions from the ‘2014 – The Year That Was’ Seminar:
- All of the most popular bands in the world are Australian
- Streaming has far surpassed downloading
- Majors will keep shrinking (2 seems to be the arbitrarily favoured number)
- Popular acts will be Courtney Barnett, Kite String Tangle, Ta-Ku ect.
- Festivals will be smaller and more boutique
Best Paraphrased Quote from Face the Music 2013:
Richard Moffat, booker of Falls Festival talking about being at Meredith Music Festival and feeling “joy beyond anything else” because it did what all festivals should: “Put people in the same moment at the same time.”
Worst Paraphrased Quote from Face the Music 2013:
- Again, the ‘Guy in the Front Row with Most of A Beard and Hat Backwards’ (GFRMBHB) [Refer to Part 1] throws his huge, meaty paw towards the roof. “Tell me these fucking reality shows will be cancelled and these fucking talentless hacks will be no more!”
Collective Answer To GFRMBHB’s Question:
For Cool Accidents
Andre Saraiva’s Dream Concerts on the corner of La Brea and Willoughby, Los Angeles, CA
Portugal. The Man’s music has always had hip hop sensibilities and their latest album Evil Friends was no exception, in fact with Danger Mouse on the boards it was probably the furthest they’ve ventured into that world.
DJ Terry Urban obviously saw the potential and has whipped up a super super dope EP where he teams PTM jams with some of his and everyone else’s favourite rappers. Jay Z. Check. Kanye. Check. Biggie. Check.
Cop it below and head over to the Soundcloud for the generous free download.